Starving In The Oval: The "No Brains Found" Zombie T-shirt

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Breaking reports confirm that the Zombie Apocalypse has hit a snag in the nation's capital. This vivid pop-art print documents the tragic, verified moment a starving member of the undead community exited the White House, visibly emaciated and weeping, after discovering that the building was completely devoid of human brains. Despite checking the Cabinet Room, the West Wing, and even the Congressional cloakrooms, the poor creature found absolutely zero nutritional value. Now, you can commemorate this bipartisan miracle with the Starving In The Oval T-Shirt. Rendered in a retro, high-contrast comic book style, this design is the ultimate statement piece for the disillusioned voter. It features bold lines, vibrant colors, and the undeniable look of disappointment that only comes from realizing the government is safe from zombies simply because there is nothing there to eat. Perfect for election season, protest rallies, or family gatherings where you want to start a fight without saying a word, this tee is printed on premium fabric that withstands the wear and tear of societal collapse. It is an essential addition to the wardrobe of any political junkie, horror fan, or anyone who suspects the lights are on but nobody’s home. THE ONION BOOK OF KNOWN KNOWLEDGE FACT: The White House. A large, white, neoclassic mansion located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. While it is strictly factual that the residence features 132 rooms and 35 bathrooms, historical records indicate it was burned down by the British in 1814—an act of arson that many modern historians now classify as "an early attempt at urban renewal that unfortunately didn't go far enough." Why This Shirt Wins the Popular Vote: Narrative Driven: Tells the heartbreaking story of a zombie who left 1600 Penn hungrier than when he arrived. Retro Aesthetic: Classic Lichtenstein-esque pop-art style that makes political cynicism look fashionable. Bipartisan Appeal: Mocks the entire political establishment with equal opportunity disdain. Secure your piece of history. Buy it now, before the zombies realize the Senate is empty too.